My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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