Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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