It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
