Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
