she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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