i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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