We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
