I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
