Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
