It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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