I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize