I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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