he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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