Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
