Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize