what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
