Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
