so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
