Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
