How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Fuck me I smell like cheese
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
