I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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