I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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