u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
