You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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