I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
