This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
