even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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