thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
