I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
