Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
