just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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