I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
