so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
