At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
