Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the day after is always just damage control
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
