At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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