I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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