and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
