we're chasing vodka with high fives
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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