My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
