I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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