he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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