When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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