he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
