If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
