my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
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