He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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