it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
