girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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