everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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