Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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