Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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