It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
