you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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