one two three fourrrrnication!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Is it penis luge time yet?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
