see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
