I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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