Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
