I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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