I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize