Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
