i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
