my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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