You really coming over, don't trick.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
