she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
