HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
