plz talk dirty to me
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
